It's time for a rambling post. A post with no pictures. A post with no grand thoughts. A simple post with simple thoughts... or maybe I should say thoughts about nothing at all. A post rambling about the life of a 7 month married wife who has been feeling extremely lonely.
Now let's see... who do you know who's been seven months married? Me. But lonely? Not me, right? I have a wonderful husband, I have a new church family, and my mom is only an hour down the road. Well, recently she hasn't been. My grandpa in Florida died right before Christmas, so guess where my mom has been? She just got back this past Sunday. That's about two weeks with no real contact with one of my best friends. And I haven't seen my brothers in too long. I miss my family.
Wait just a cotton-picking minute. We're talking about the same person here, right? Susanna... the girl who likes to be independent and hasn't ever really felt home sick that she can remember. And she actually misses her brothers? Yes, this is the same person.
It really surprised me when I started feeling this loneliness. It's like a little ache down in the very center of my heart that pulses. Sometimes it swells and brings me to tears, other times it shrinks into an uncomfortable little knot that hurts. I try to quell it and get frustrated with the way I feel. I want to be an upbeat and happy wife to my husband... but I haven't been very upbeat lately.
It all boils down to this, though. Am I going to allow Christ to refine me through this new emotional struggle? Or am I going to keep trying to quell my loneliness and not rely on Christ to fill that void? He is JEALOUS for my affection! He longs to have me fall into His arms, trusting Him completely. This is where God has me right now. Yes, it's lonely when my husband is away from home working on our house or at work, or whatever takes him away from home. But God wants me to bring my lonely self and sit down at His feet to learn what His thoughts are for this time of my life.
Love to all of my sisters in Christ, my brothers, my parents, my extended family, my husband, my many friends who are far away and the ones who are near, my in-laws, and the occassional out-laws who may lurk around this blog. ;-)
~ Susanna
4 comments:
I'm just an 'hour' away, Sus! :) Come spend a day as soon as the snow clears a bit. :) Would love to have you both, too! mm
I understand that feeling! I think I experienced it almost as much moving 2 hours away from home when I got married as when we moved all the way to Belize. I've come to the conclusion that it takes at least a year to put roots down...and if we let it, it can be a beautiful time of knowing Jesus. If your like me tho, there always seems to be 3 or 4 other "idols" I'm tempted to go to to ignore my loneliness...food, emails, phone calls, books, sewing, chocolate... It's good to keep busy and there are times to ignore that feeling and do what needs to be done, but often the thing I need to do is to pour my heart out to Jesus and then focus on praising Him. Just some thots from my journey the past 15 months. I hope to see you soon! ~Janelle
It's nice that you extend love even to us outlaws!!! We enjoy checking your writings and seeing your really nice pictures. May Jesus bless your marriage in His plan for you. GU&A J&MH
Thanks so much to all of you! It's nice to know that there are people around who still read this. ;-) I have been finding peace with where God has me the last few days. I had some "lightbulb moments"... "Oh, you know what? Here I am, wishing I had more heart-to-heart, kindred spirit type friends around here, and here I am being a royal grouch and not stepping out to make friends!" I felt quite sheepish when I realized what I was doing. I am thankful for a patient, loving God. Blessings!
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